The first reaction is always shock. Surely not that wonderful guy from Lehava! Surely not Pinkas and Uchovsky, those trusted symbols of the LGBQT community! Surely these accusations against leaders of the Reform Rabbinical School, Orthodox Rabbis Sheinberg, and Tufik and a cover up in the Conservative Movement are baseless. Wait, Shimon Peres? Surely not that Dr. and trusted head of a hospital department in Tel Aviv! It's almost as hard to believe that Elezar Stern shredded complaints of sexual harassment while Head of the Human Resources Directorate and commander of the IDF Officers Training School.
But he is so quiet! But she's so warm! But he served in such a great unit! But he works at (that household name company)! But he/she/they pray at my shul!
As if there was a connection.
What's surprising is that we are still surprised.
After all, people can now turn to HR. Kind of.
Somehow the HR departments I keep hearing about don't get it. They don't get what it takes for someone to come forward after they have had their autonomy, safety and sense of self assaulted and betrayed.
So, to the HR departments who put wonderful declarations on the walls and :
Make women sign NDAs about the harassment they lived through
Ask a woman who was chased down the street, Do you want us to fire him? Him with six kids and the sole breadwinner! as if she's responsible for company policy
Know why she quit
Keep employing him two years, three years, five years after a rape complaint is made
Say, "He's just like that."
To these HR departments, we say, one day, your story will also be told.
Then there are those who know there is no HR department to turn to. To the :
VC rep who asks for videos
Vlogger who promises publicity
Female head of department who offers her industry connections
Friend of the family who offers a recommendation
Clients who make the sale conditional
Personalities who trust they are too big to fail
To these we say, "One day, your story will also be told."
And to those who can't afford to lose the:
The intro to industry connections
We say, "Keep a record. Tell someone. Print the texts. Record the conversations. One day, your story will also be told."
This week's parsha includes the rape of Dina. I can't read it without seeing multiple levels of violent patriarchy. At the same time, it's really clear that Dina's brothers believe her. They don't ask, "What were you wearing?" They say, "Even the prince is going to pay".
When the next story drops of a prince or princess abusing their power, do like Dina's brothers. Start with #Ibelieveyou to the one who had the courage to come forward.
Here's the good news. We know about all these stories, all these princes and rulers. We know about Malka Leifer and Peres and Elazar's busy papershredder.
Here's the even better news. Think back two weeks to when China's Peng Shuai accused Zhang Gaoli, Former Vice Premier of rape. Unless you could see what made this man, 40 years her senior, irresistible, chances are you believed her.
That first response of disbelief comes from a desire to protect those who hold power. That first response is shifting. When the next sexual harassment story drops, I'll be going with #Ibelieveyou.